A new view...A new way to think

I think that this may be my most intensely personal post.

I have often spoke about 'my new life'...the way I have changed in the past year. But recently it has become more and more apparent to me. I've been alone for a long time, and I would like to find someone to share my life with. I think that is the one thing that I would be most grateful for. But I am not going to settle for cwap (as my niece Vangie would put it).

I recently got reacquainted with someone I have known for seven years. I love and respect this person, and I thought there was a big chance for happiness here. But it seems that it wasn't meant to be.

BUT the thing I am most happy with is myself. In the past I would have ranted and raved perhaps. I would have been a little nuts. But the past year has taught me...WHY?

It does no good to rant and rave, and it just makes you look like a loon. You can't force someone to be with you or love you, all you can do is tell them what they mean to you, hope they feel the same, be sad if they don't, and go on with your life. There are a few tears in there I am sure, but you just have to respect yourself for having the courage to put yourself out there in the first place.

And I am proud of that. My girlfriends...ones in different states that didn't know each other...seemed to always tell me the same thing in the past when we talked about relationships. 'You are so closed off'. Well...you know...fear will do that to you.

But in the past year I have learned courage. Courage to be out there, say what you think, say what you want, state how you feel that you should be treated and see where the chips fall. It doesn't mean I am not alone anymore, it means that I have grown as a person. I hope.

There is a difference between conceit and Love of Self. Conceit means that you think you are better than anyone else. Love of Self means that you know that you are just as worthy as anyone else of being loved and respected.

And so as I bid farewell to this relationship that I thought was my future, I know that there is a grand plan for me. I know that at some point I will find someone that loves in equal measure. And they will be the most loved person and never want for affection. And so will I.

Never regret...always find the lesson. Dad, I hope that you are more proud of the person I am now that you have ever been. I feel now, like never before, that I am living the life that I can imagine. And that's always a great thing.

56 days to Alaska.

Dawg

BY THE NUMBERS-83 Days

It is 83 days until the marathon.
2 months and 23 days
12 weeks
29 days until my birthday and then 54 days.
2 days after the start of summer
3 fund-raisers 'til the marathon
11 more Team Saturday morning trainings...and hence 11 potential bagels
20 pounds...well...HOPEFULLY
2 pairs of shoes...1 pair of socks already with a hole in them
$2169 to go in dollars
500 Raffle Tickets sold...with any luck
20 miles a week walked...on average
47 Bananas eaten
14 Power Bars
447 Gallons of water consumed
1,000,000 smiles
10,000,000 laughs

1 GOAL-13.1 miles and a moose.

Alaska Dawg
Dawg